My mum and I are similar and different in so many ways. I’m sure most people think that about their mum, but I don’t know how many people really notice or pay attention.
My family is close. In a family-comes-before-anything-else kind of way. Some times we are extreme of that and sometimes we are balanced. But I wouldn’t trade that for anything. It’s how my mother raised us. It’s how I know that I want to be closer to family. It’s how I know a deep rooted comfort that no matter what, my people are truly my people. A comfort that doesn’t exist many places. And a comfort that is earned before its extended out.
My mum sometimes thinks she annoys me, but I really don’t see it like that. Sure, I roll my eyes at her, but she does the same to me. This weekend I told her that I probably annoy her the same amount that she annoys me…but then I only wondered how much I annoy her. (Never, of course!)
There are so many things I get from my mum: my drive, my desire to roam, my creativity, and definitely my resting bitch face. But there are other things that I didn’t… I can’t go up to a group of strangers and have a conversation. I can’t work quick numbers in my head. She can whip up meals from her head with no stress about how it turns out. We both do a lot for others even if it’s not the best thing for ourselves. We both sometimes compare ourselves to others a bit too much. We both trust our gut in the moment, but then spend time questioning whether it was the right thing.
She’s braver than me. She’s stronger than me, both physically and mentally. She’s made decisions that impacted us as a family and made us better for it. She’s sacrificed her time for us. She definitely doesn’t have any privacy – even now when I visit it’s as if nothing has changed.
When she found out she had cancer, I was terrified I’d lose her, my rock. A selfish thought, but so true. Because I want her to experience the life she built, the family she made, and celebrate each and every day. [Btw, she made cancer her bitch 😉]
And on her birthday, today, I hope she knows that I love all of these things about her. That I value her opinions, her thoughts, and her everyday self. I strive to be the best person I can be because of her; because of everything she’s done in life.